


use your hands and my spare time

by sodun



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Daddy Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Sexual Content, alex is a virgin, alex is bi (?), handjobs, justin is not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 21:32:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10671195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodun/pseuds/sodun
Summary: Alex leads Justin up the stairs, and he isn't sure why he let him in in the first place.---Or what happened the night Justin stayed with Alex.





	use your hands and my spare time

**Author's Note:**

> title from sex - the 1975
> 
> this was supposed to be PWP but plot happened

Alex leads Justin up the stairs, and he isn't sure why he let him in in the first place.

He hates Justin, ever since he heard those tapes, what he did to Jessica.. He wanted nothing to do with Justin fucking Foley; anyone who could let someone be raped is just as bad as a rapist. But Alex couldn't turn him away, not if he was desperate enough to come to Alex for a place to stay.

"You're sleeping on the floor," Alex mumbles as he leads Justin into his bedroom.

Justin doesn't say anything, and Alex doesn't turn around but he assumes Justin nodded. Not that he has any room to complain.

Alex tosses a pillow and his duvet onto the floor, keeps the soft throw blanket that he hides under his duvet for himself. If his dad knew he liked to curl up under something so soft and plush every night, if he knew how much it comforted Alex, he'd never let him hear the end of it. 

"Turn off the light whenever," the blond mutters, pulling his laptop out from under his bed and turning it on.

"Thank you," Justin says quietly as he flicks the light off. Alex doesn't watch but he hears just undress, strip down to his underwear, "for letting me stay."

"Yeah," Alex sighs, opening up the browser on his computer and signing in to Netflix, "Just go to sleep. You look like you need it."

"So do you," Justin comments, and Alex sees his silhouette disappear below the edge of his bed, knows he's lying down.

"I'll sleep eventually," Alex mumbles, even though he knows he won't, not tonight.

Justin sighs softly but doesn't speak. Alex assumes he knows better than to push his buttons.

Justin falls asleep after not too long. Alex lays awake and absently watches Donnie Darko. He thinks about how he wishes the engine of a plane could fall on his bedroom; die in some freak accident so he doesn't have to do it himself.

Hours pass, midnight becomes three AM, and Justin stirs for no reason at all.

He's unsure of where he is at first, but the sounds of quiet voices coming out of a computer speaker reminds him. He sits up, sees Alex sitting on his bed, watching some show on his laptop with tired eyes. 

The blond looks over at Justin, the same solemn expression he always wears still carved into his feature. Justin wonders when the last time he saw Alex smile was.

"What?" Alex mutters, rubbing his eyes.

Justin frowns, wondering why he's even awake, what he's expecting from Alex. "What time is it?"

"Three thirty," he says, pausing the random black and white movie he'd put on but hadn't really watched a second of.

"Aren't you gonna sleep?" 

Alex sighs, running a hand through his short hair. "I don't know, Foley. What's it matter to you?"

"You don't sleep, do you?"

Alex rolls his eyes, "Everyone sleeps, dipshit."

Justin opens his mouth to speak again, but Alex cuts him off. "Just drop it. It's not your problem if I sleep or not."

Justin falls silent, and Alex starts the movie again, thinks he's going to leave it alone, go back to sleep, but of course not. "Were you going to drown yourself in Bryce's pool?"

Alex tenses, but he doesn't look away from his laptop. "I liked you better when you were asleep."

"You didn't care if you crashed your car when we were trying to scare Clay, right?"

Alex groans, throwing his head back against the wall behind his bed. "What do you want, Justin?"

"You're suicidal," Justin states, like he's just figured out the answer to the most important question in the world.

"If I say yes will you shut up and go back to sleep?"

"You don't have to say yes," Justin says, standing up, "I know you are."

Alex swallows as Justin approaches him, but tries not to let his nervousness show. "That's great. Want a gold star?"

Justin sits on the edge of Alex's bed, and he scoots away immediately. "Why?" the brunette asks, reaching over and pausing the movie again.

"Wow, my own personal therapist," Alex tries to sound sarcastic, but his voice trembles a little and he knows Justin can hear it. "It doesn't matter, Justin."

"It matters," Justin says, fixing Alex with a hard stare, "I didn't see it with Hannah, but I know now. I see it in you."

Alex tries to hold Justin's gaze, but he feels his strong facade start to falter, so drops his gaze to his laptop screen, where Marion Crane is frozen on the shower floor. He hadn't even realized what he was watching until then, too distracted by the thoughts that rattled around in his brain.

"Why?" Justin asks again, and Alex glances over at him for a second, surprised to see genuine concern written on his face.

"I killed Hannah, I lost Jessica, and I will never be who my dad wants me to be," Alex says bitterly, "is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Alex-"

"Stop it, Justin," Alex mutters through gritted teeth, "I'm not going to spill my guts to you, of all people. Go back to sleep or get the fuck out."

Alex's words are weak, no real threat behind them, and when he feels the empty side of his bed sink under Justin's weight, he knows Justin could tell.

Justin closes Alex's laptop, puts it down on the floor next to the bed. "You're gonna kill yourself because of that?"

"I never said I was _going to_ ," Alex mutters, ignores the part of him that wants to scream _yes, I am going to kill myself_ and _please stop me, no one else cares enough to stop me_.

"Fine," Justin sighs, and Alex feels his heart sink down into his stomach, thinks _of course he doesn't care_ , before Justin continues. "Say you were. That'd be why?"

"Is that not reason enough?" Alex whispers, tired and not totally confident in his emotional ability to handle this conversation.

"I don't think so," Justin says, propping himself up on his elbow and staring down at Alex, "Compared to everyone else, what you did to Hannah was nothing, man. And you fucked up with Jessica, but she's just a girl, you know? It sucks, but it's not worth dying over. And nobody ever lives up to their dads expectations."

Alex narrows his eyes at Justin, and before he can stop himself, says, "I didn't let you stay here so you can tell me I'm wrong for wanting to kill myself when my list made all those guys, including Bryce, harass Hannah, I treated Jessica like shit cause she wouldn't sleep with me, and my dad hates me because I made him move towns. I'm sick of fucking everything up and being a disappointment, so I think me wanting to die is completely fucking justified."

Alex huffs out a breath, turning onto his side to avoid looking at Justin. He squeezes his eyes shut and curses himself for saying all of that, for admitting to Justin that he wants to die because it's all too real now. Justin will either tell somebody and try to get him help or he won't tell anyone, just brush it off and give Alex more reason to want to kill himself.

"Alex," Justin begins, voice unbelievably soft, resting a hand on Alex's shoulder.

Alex flinches away like he's been burned by Justin's hand. "Let's just go to sleep, alright?"

The blond feels Justin settle into the bed next to him, and hopes to a God he doesn't believe in that Justin will leave him alone.

God has never been on Alex's side, though, and of course, Justin has more questions.

"How did you make your dad move?"

"Don't ask questions you don't wanna know the answer to," Alex mutters, even though what he really means is _don't ask questions that I don't want to answer_.

"I wanna know," Justin says, followed by a quiet "please?"

Alex doesn't speak for a second, but then he figures that he's got nothing to lose. Justin can go ahead and try to ruin Alex's already ruined reputation. He doesn't plan on being around much longer anyways.

"My dad's.. manly, you know? All that 'yes sir no sir' bullshit, you heard it. He's really religious too, and he wants me to be just like him.." Alex pauses, hesitating, unsure if he really wants to finish the story. "I had a boyfriend. My dad found out, pulled me out of school and we moved two weeks later."

The younger boy keeps his eyes closed but flips onto his back. He waits for Justin's reaction, for him to get up and leave, call him a fag, but it never comes.

"That's harsh," come his softly-spoken words instead, "to move because of a boyfriend?"

"Not when you're my dad, a cop with a perfect reputation. Can't have a faggot son, no sir," Alex laughs humourlessly.

"So what, he thought you'd turn straight if you moved?" Justin asks, earning a quick nod from Alex. "I guess he was right, then. You know, Jessica."

"I'm not gay," Alex says, rolling his eyes, "I just, I don't know, I don't have a preference, I guess. There's a lot of hot guys here anyway. My dad was wrong. I'm just going to hide it."

"Hot guys? Who?" Justin asks, curious and maybe hopeful, though Alex chalks that up to his own lack of sleep.

Alex decides to indulge him. He's already embarrassed himself enough. "Definitely Zach," he begins, a small smirk on his lips, "Jeff was hot too. Tony. Tyler's cute but he's too creepy, not my type anyway. Ryan could be if he wasn't a stuck up douchebag. Monty is alright."

Once he's done, he glances over at Justin. The brunet is staring at him, and somehow Alex isn't uncomfortable.

"Anyone else?" Justin asks, and there's that hopeful tone again.

"Quit fishing, asshole. You already know you're hot, I don't have to tell you." Alex says, nudging Justin with his elbow.

"I think you're hot too," Justin says, scooting closer to Alex so their shoulders are together.

Alex swallows, willing himself not to scoot away. "Thanks?"

"I’ve heard you're a virgin," Justin whispers, and he's right there, right in Alex's ear.

The blond's cheeks heat up and he's grateful that Justin put his laptop on the floor so the room is too dark for him to notice. "Yeah," is all he says, his voice small and nervous, doesn’t ask who told him that, already knows. 

Alex feels wetness on his jawline, and it takes him a second to realize that Justin's got his lips on him, kissing him.

"What are you doing?" Alex asks, but he doesn't move, lets his eyes close instead.

"Want me to stop?" Justin asks, and part of Alex wants to say yes, shove him out of the bed and back onto the floor. Part of Alex wants to say no, tell him to keep his mouth on him, to kiss him properly. 

He opts to say nothing, just tips his head to the side and exposes his neck. Justin accepts the invitation, leaving a trail of wet kisses down Alex's neck. 

Alex watches with wide eyes as Justin pulls the throw blanket off of Alex's body and straddles his hips. Justin slides his hands under Alex's shirt, running his fingertips over the boy's torso. Alex silently hopes Justin won't comment on how skinny he is.

The older boy tugs the collar of Alex's shirt down, attaches his lips to the soft skin in the dip of his collarbone, begins to suck and nibble at his flesh. Alex knows he should tell Justin to stop, knows the mark will be hard to hide, but he can't bring himself to care. Instead, he bites his lip to suppress the moans that are threatening to escape, exchanges them for panted breaths and the occasional whine, and tries not to feel pathetic.

Justin slides a hand out from under Alex's shirt and reaches between them, uses it to palm Alex through his flannel pyjama pants.

"Fuck," Alex moans, pushing his hips up into the brunet's hand. 

"Pretty slutty for a virgin," Justin comments, moving his lips back up Alex's neck to his jawline.

"Shut up," Alex breathes, tipping his head back and closing his eyes as Justin continues to touch him.

The older boy kisses his way up to Alex's lips, and then finally, _finally_ presses their lips together. Immediately, Alex kisses him back, pushes up against him desperately. He's embarrassed, deep down, but pushes it aside to enjoy the moment. It's been so long since he's been kissed, hell, he can't even remember the last time someone properly _hugged_ him.

Justin can sense his desperation, how badly he wants, needs to be touched, and pulls back just enough that he can speak. "I'm not going anywhere, Alex," he whispers into the blond's ear.

Alex shivers, feels himself blushing again and wonders when he stooped low enough to melt in Justin Foley's hands, of all people. After giving him a short nod in response, Alex kisses him again, softer this time, slower. Less like Justin's touch is his lifeline, more like he wants to savour the attention.

Justin slides his tongue over the seam of Alex's lips, and Alex immediately breaks it, lets Justin's tongue slide into his mouth, rub up against his own. In the past, the sensation made Alex cringe, but there's something so wonderfully erotic about the way Justin explores his mouth.

Justin slides a hand down the front of Alex's pants, wraps a hand around him and gives his length one full stroke before Alex breaks their kiss to gasp, tipping his head back.

"This okay?" Justin asks, his hand stilling. 

Alex nods, takes a deep breath and tells himself to _calm down, it’s just a handjob_. “Yeah,” he whispers, finally looking at Justin, is met with blown pupils and a concerned face.

“Never been touched like this?” Justin chuckles, flopping down onto the bed next to Alex. 

The blond wants to stop him, tell him to finish what he started, but Justin keeps his hand down Alex’s pants, so he decides to hold off. “Fuck you, I have,” Alex huffs, eyes wandering down Justin’s body, which is only illuminated by the streetlight outside his window.

The cool-toned streetlight looks an awful lot like moonlight, and Alex decides this is kind of beautiful. As beautiful as two teenage boys who don’t really like each other fooling around in the middle of the night can be, that is. The most Alex has ever done with anyone else was exchanging blowjobs in the back of his ex’s truck, and chances are he’ll never get anything else, so he lets himself believe it’s beautiful.

Alex’s eyes land on Justin’s erection, clearly visible through his boxers. One of his hands lifts from his side before he can stop himself and he drops it onto the brunet, his thin fingers just barely brushing over his length. He glances over at Justin, sees that he’s biting his lip, and takes that as encouragement to slip his hand under Justin’s underwear, grab him properly.

Justin hums, a quiet noise of approval, and then he rubs his thumb over the head of Alex’s cock, begins to work his hand over the younger boy in a steady rhythm. It’s a little dry and almost uncomfortable, so Justin pulls his hand away, licks his palm, and then continues.

Alex does the same, wets his hand and then shoves it back down Justin’s underwear. He follows the brunet’s lead, tries to match his speed, but it’s hard to focus when someone’s touching your dick, so Alex finds himself faltering, his hand stilling at the base of Justin’s member every so often. Justin doesn’t seem to mind, just keeps stroking Alex and occasionally rocking his hips up and reminding the blond to move.

There’s nothing romantic about it, really. Alex knows Justin probably just wants to get off, probably does this with all of his friends, but he can’t stop the way his heart flutters when he really thinks about how intimate their current situation is. Maybe it’s not as intimate as it could be, but only one other person has ever touched Alex’s dick. 

“Stop _thinking_ ,” Justin whispers, his voice weak and shaking. 

Alex turns his head to the side, presses his face against Justin’s neck. He doesn’t trust that his brain and mouth can communicate well in such a state, so he kisses Justin’s neck instead to keep himself from saying something stupid. Pumping Justin’s length faster, Alex tries to focus on getting him off.

“You gonna come for me like this?” Justin asks, and Alex shivers at the raw pleasure in his voice. The brunet rubs his thumb over the tip of Alex’s member, slow and patronizing, and he gasps softly against his skin.

“Yes,” Alex whispers, and isn’t sure what comes over him when he adds a quiet “please, sir”.

Justin’s eyes widen, Alex feels him twitch in his hand, and then he’s spilling over Alex’s hand and his underwear with a moan that he muffles with his free hand. The younger boy keeps stroking his shaft until Justin is spent, then keeps holding him, unsure of what to do with his hand.

After a moment of recovery, Justin remembers Alex’s still hard cock in his hand, and continues pumping him fast. It doesn’t take much for Alex to finish, and he moans Justin’s name into his neck as he comes, eyelids fluttering shut and thighs shaking.

They stay like that for a few minutes before Alex comes to his senses, thinks _what the fuck did I just do_ and pulls his hand away like Justin’s spunk is battery acid that he accidentally dipped his hand in.

He strips in a hurry, wipes his hand off on his own boxers then slips back into his pyjama pants. Standing next to the bed, Alex waits for Justin to get up, stares at him pointedly.

“What, no cuddles?” Justin asks, and Alex detects a hint of disappointment underneath his sarcasm.

“No cuddles, get up,” Alex says, nods at the floor beside the bed, “what if my dad comes in? What if he _heard us_?”

Justin raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t protest, gets out of the bed like he’s told. “We weren’t that loud. Can I borrow a pair of boxers?”

The blond flops on his bed, tells Justin they’re in his dresser, and curls up underneath his throw blanket. All kinds of thoughts rattle around in his brain, from the possibility of his dad knowing and moving them _again_ to wondering why the hell he and Justin Foley just jerked each other off in his bed and why Justin acted like it was no big deal.

Alex doesn’t sleep a wink.


End file.
